I turned 31 a few months ago. One year older and therefore one year wiser, or so the saying goes. I can now get on with the business of being an adult and doing things that adults do, like having children or getting a mortgage.

Certain things however, continue to mystify me. Like the secret of Works Minister Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu's political longevity, why Proton can't seem to solve the power window problem on their cars or how the jilted fiancŽe of a reality TV contest winner gained celebrity status. There was a time when it was a lot harder to become a celebrity and sometimes, you could only become one if you died, preferably young and of a drug overdose. If getting dumped is all it takes, well I'd be adopting babies from Africa right now and having my own little "rainbow family".

Chief among things that mystify me are my compatriots' bathroom habits which 49 years of Merdeka, the MSC, Vision 2020 and Twin Towers have done nothing to alter. Our use and views on the altar of the porcelain god have evolved as much as my fat cells have from that of my ancestors from the Stone Age. In other words, when it comes to toilets, we're still a bunch of Neanderthals.

A Friday afternoon at work a few weeks ago while trying to stir myself from a lamb briyani-induced stupor I googled "Malaysian toilets" out of curiosity and came across an interesting comment on a tourist advisory website and forum on this subject. Besides stating the obvious, that Malaysian toilets are generally dirty, poorly maintained and ill-equipped, the overall tone of the commentary was one of resignation. Malaysian toilets are bad - deal with it. Visit Malaysia Year folks - and hold your breath.

As a Malaysian living abroad, I get all misty-eyed and proud when I see promotional tourists videos of the country with the lush green tropical green jungles, idyllic white sand beaches, turquoise waters etc - But paradise quickly turns to paradise lost when your olfactory senses are assaulted a by pungent smell wafting from the little ladies' and men's rooms. Eau de Tandas, a heady mix of pee and Dettol disinfectant. Signage is bad in general in Malaysia but you'll never get lost on the way to the toilets in Malaysia - just follow your nose.

While public toilets are the worst, even the loos in plush hotels and restaurants that serve RM20 plates of char kway teow fail to keep up with the rest of the premises. The ones that totally defy logic are the toilets in the shopping malls of affluent upper and middle upper class suburbs. You'd think that with all the money and education these people have had, they'd know better. Things on the home front are not fantastic either. Hands up those of you who are familiar with houses where the living room is sumptuous, only to be confronted with bathroom horror when nature calls and you've got to go.

As a nation we spend a lot of time in the bathroom, so why do we still have low bathroom and toilet standards? My guess is that it's because it's not the showpiece and therefore not a priority. It's not a place where we can show off pictures taken of crazy "12 cities in six days" tours of Europe or our latest Wedgewood/ Arcopal plate collection or our 68-inch flat screen TVs. Unless you are the Sultan of Brunei, the bathroom offers fewer opportunities to flaunt your status even if your taps are Grohe and tiles are from Johnson Suisse.

To look at the bigger picture, it's also an underlying indicator of what is sometimes wrong with the Malaysian psyche - an unhealthy obsession with window dressing and looking good to the outside world while ignoring the more pressing issues at hand.

But that's just my far-fetched, unqualified opinion. Meanwhile, the state of our nation's toilets will remain in the list of things that continue to puzzle me. The more charitable side of me wants to believe that my fellow Malaysians are capable of cleaning up their act but in absence of any tangible proof, I'll be waiting to exhale.

Mona recommends good old Cif lemon for sparkly white bathrooms. Comments: feedback@thesundaily.com